Archive for the ‘Funny and Stupid People Jokes’ Category

Funny doctor

Friday, September 17th, 2010

The doctor told the patient, “You’re dying.”

The patient replied, “I want a second opinion.”

The doctor then said, “Okay, you’re ugly too.”

Funny Birthday Joke

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

A lady called a neighbor to extend birthday greetings in a song. After she sang “Happy Birthday,” she realized that she had dialed the wrong number.

“No need to excuse yourself,” said the voice on the other line. “You need all the practice you can get.”

Stupid Watson Joke

Friday, July 16th, 2010

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Stupid People Joke

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is up there in the shade of a tree?”  “I don’t know,” replied the other, “I’ll go ask him.”

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. “Why are we digging in the hot sun and you’re standig in the shade?”  “Intelligence,” the boss said.  “What’s intelligence?” asked the digger.

The boss said, “I’ll show you. I’ll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.” The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss’ hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, “That’s intelligence!”

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, “What’d he say?”  “He said we are down here because of intelligence.”  “What’s intelligence?” his friend asked. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, “Take your shovel and hit my hand.”    

Stupid Circus Joke

Friday, April 13th, 2007

Did you hear that the world’s tallest man got fired from the circus?

Yeah, he was concerned about his cholesterol, so he switched from butter to Crisco. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize it was shortening.

Funny Parachute Joke

Friday, April 13th, 2007

There was this proud and cocky team of guys that made parachutes at Bitburg Air Base in Germany. They were so cocky that they posted a sign outside their shop: Depend on Us to Let You Down.

Paper Shredder Joke

Friday, March 9th, 2007

The new employee stood before the paper shredder lookjing confused.

“Need some help?” asked the secretary.

“Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?”

“Oh it’s simple,” said the secretary as she grabbed the report out of his hand and shoved it into the shredder.

Still looking confused, the man said, “Thanks, but where do the copies come out?

Salesperson Joke

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

The neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked, “Sir, would you like to buy a toothbrush for ten dollars?”

  Agast, the man said, “I should say not. That’s robbery!”

  The salesman seemed hurt. “Well, then, how about a homemade brownie for five cents?”

  This seemed fair, and the man handed a nickel to the salesman. Unwrapping the brownie, he took a bite; suddenly, the man spit out the mouthful.

  “Say,” he snarled, “this brownie tastes horrible!”

  “It is,” replied the salesman. “Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Dining Joke

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

“Waiter!” shouted the furious diner, “how dare you serve me this! There’s a twig in my soup!”

  “My apologies, “said the waiter. “I’ll inform the branch manager.”

Parent Joke

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

“Jimmy, you’re a pig!” yelled the annoyed father. “You do know what a pig is don’t you?”

 ”Yes sir,” replied the lad. “It’s a hog’s son.”