My Stupid Jokes

A blonde wanted to sell her car, so she called up her friend to see if she could have any help. The friend asked how many miles were on the car and the blonde said, “About 249,000 miles.” So the friend called up a mechanic who could put the mileage back to any number that was desired. So the blonde told him she wanted him to roll back the mileage to 40,000.

The next week the blonde’s friend called and asked if she had sold the car yet.

The blonde said,” Why would I want to sell my car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”

So this blonde decides to try to go horseback riding even though she has no idea how to do it. One day, the blonde finds a horse and decides to try it out. She tries to mount the horse several times, but she fails each time. Finally, she successfully mounts the horse when it suddenly starts galloping at a rhythmic speed. Scared, the blonde starts to slowly slip off of the horse. At first, she tried grabbing the mane, but her hand slips and she heads closer to the ground. Then she reaches for the horse’s neck, but she kept slipping. Finally, the blonde decided that jumping off of the horse was the only way to get off. So she leaps but her foot gets caught in the stirrup and she is flung to the ground. By now, the blonde’s head was repeatedly slammed into the ground and she was at the mercy of the horse’s giant hooves. She was just about to lose consciousness when the most lucky thing happened to her:
Dave, an employee at Walmart, sees the situation and unplugs the horse.

The blonde just got her hair cut and the barber handed the blonde a mirror so that the blonde could look at her hair. After a few seconds of looking the blonde said, “It looks great; but could you make it a little longer in the back?”

Suspicious about her husband cheating on her, the blonde quickly bought a gun. When the blonde got home, she found her husband with another woman. Upset, the blonde took out the gun and pointed it towards her head. The husband begged her not to shoot herself. Then the blonde yelled, “Shut up! You’re next!”

Rain, hail, lightning, and turbulence shook the plane that was filled with panicking passengers. Everybody in the plane was sure that they would die. Then, this one woman stood up and yelled, “I don’t want to die in fear; I want to die feeling like a woman!” In the back of the plane, a muscular man stood up and took off his shirt.

“So you want to feel like a woman?” asked the man.

“YES I DO!” said the woman.

The man handed the shirt to the woman and said, “Then iron this.”

The husband ran into the house screaming, “Hey, I just won the lottery!!”

“Oh wonderful!” said the wife. “Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?”

“I don’t care, just get the heck out!”

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?

When your welcome mat is ripped to shreds.

Frustrated about being called a blonde, the blonde dyed her hair red.

One day, the blonde with the red-dyed hair was driving down the freeway when she spotted a farm to the right and drove to the farm. When she got there, she saw many sheep in the fields. Wanting one, she asked the farmer if she could have one of the sheep if she guessed the correct number of sheep in the fields. She guessed right. Suprised, the farmer let her into the fields to get one of the sheep. As she was closing up the car, the farmer stopped her and said, “If I can guess the true color of you hair, can I have my dog back?”

How can you tell if a tricycle belongs to a blonde?

When it has a kickstand.